With vacation and such, I was out of the office for a few weeks. I wanted in this morning, much to the amazement and delight of my coworkers, only to find that some assclown had dirtied up my desk while I was gone. For pete’s sake - if you’re going to borrow someone’s personal space, at least have the decency to throw away your nasty coffee cup, and clean up the coffee rings you left all over my desk!

Also, whoever took my wastebasket, please return it. If not, I will begin throwing my trash at random coworkers.